HOW TO STAY CLOSE AND STILL LOVE
In today’s scenario, this topic is relevant for almost everyone who has matured children. To understand the need of the hour we shouldn’t refrain from this topic that all of us have to find detachment in the attachment within our families.
The problem: when adult children begin standing up to and getting out from under the thumb of parents. Parents often feel kids are drifting away from them emotionally. Such disconnection doesn’t feel better than enmeshment because we are programmed to stay connected to them.
But as we age our children also grow as mature men or women. They have their own opinions and choices. So as our kids mature, our relationship with them needs to mature as well.
We all know that friendship is the base of every relationship. The challenge is to find a common ground without overstepping the comfortable boundaries between parents and mature children.
The issues become how much time to spend together and how to spend it, how much information to share and about what, which battles to fight and when to turn the other cheek, what advice to give and when silence is golden.
All parents want good relations with their kids but they are often tempted to give unsolicited advice, sometimes to protect them from harm-like reminding them to pay their insurance. And grown kids may be like frustrating friends who will not even reply. So behaving as equals fail here.
A few rules if followed properly can nurture this friendship in long run:
SET RESPECTFUL BOUNDARIES
For emerging adults, keeping privacy buffer is a very crucial part of their separate identity, suddenly they are mostly busy with long chats on phone and parents feel hurt as they feel that kids are pulling back from them. But giving them some space will be appropriate and not take it personally.
NOT GIVING UNSOLICITED ADVICE
Parents may always struggle with the “I need to fix it” mentality, but if they quickly and often jump into solving their problems grown-up kids will never learn how to use their ability to solve problems in their lives. So unless and until there is not some serious issue, better to keep silence and just observe the situation.
When kids were young, family time was inevitable but now as they are mature and cooking all the burners grown-ups, we have to make the time available productive. Watching a movie together or playing cards can do the trick.
LOVE AND RESPECT FOR THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
It is very important to give love, care and respect to their spouses also as it is the pillar of a strong family to be together with all members of the family. It will increase affection in family manyfold. Our own kids are always ours but the actual pleasure we get when we are loved by their spouses as well.
OUT OF JOB
As parents, we feel out of a job when kids are grown-up and on their own. We were always busy taking care of their needs and now when they don’t need us for everything we can nurture our own dreams while continuing to cultivate a close friendship with them.
None of the blogs or opinions expressed within are meant as advice to you or anybody else on any matter, including but not limited to, personal finance, health, or other matters of life. If you need advice, speak to a professional!