Mind Over Matter

Mind Over Matter

If You Don’t Mind It Doesn’t Matter

The age gap between couples- does it really matter

The old rule of determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half of your age plus seven(40=20+7=27). However if the older partner is 40 years old, the other partner should be at least 27 years. Regardless of gender, this is just a rule. Although the origin of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes considered to have French origin.

But my question is: how legitimate this rule is? Does it match our scientific understanding of age-related preferences for dating or marriage? Should it ever apply?

Let’s check it.

Do people actually follow the rule of seven in their real lives before deciding whom to date or marry  There are more aspects than age to consider before planning. Our thinking and choice of a partner have evolved with time. In the 1920’s it was believed that a wife’s ideal age should be half the man’s age plus seven. This age gap was important as women mature more quickly than men. In different circumstances, it ensured that the husband was sufficiently authoritative over his wife. Now with changing culture and mindset this rule has already taken a back seat.

More and more women are out working and getting independent, which has changed this perception altogether. Women can be independent and more authoritative than their male counterparts as sometimes they are earning more than their male partners. We all know that money brings authority. Couples are equally responsible for raising kids and facing day to day problems. Age is no bar in modern society.

Those rules were made by the societies according to their cultural values for convenience and there are no takers for those rules now. Be it women or men they prefer to choose their partners according to their preferences. Modern women don’t look out for a partner who can earn for them. Other qualities attract them more:  maturity, openness, honesty, respect, affection, sense of humour etc. etc.

Moreover, its compatibility which matters the most.

Think if you have a partner who is the same age as yours, but your views are different in every sphere of life. Spending a whole life with someone is not like dating where you are free to break-up when you don’t find the other partner getting along with you. Moreover, being from the same generation has its own drawbacks.

I would like to give you some examples: the same age couples can have frequent fights due to ego clash. Uncertainty with respect to everything right from economy to jobs. Mobile/laptop/internet video addictions. Periodical expression of anger and frustration due to the uniqueness of stress in the same generation. Maturity and wisdom-related problems as both have high egos. Same age stories are tough but can be managed by forgiving all the possible relationship flaws.

In my opinion, it’s important to be like-minded for a couple. Our drive to select like-minded partners could be much stronger than previously thought that opposites attract. Relationship compatibility is of utmost importance. It’s important for couples to have fun together and really enjoy the time they spend together. A relationship thrives when two people share companionship and activities. For example, if you love someone who is just different from you in every aspect of life, arguments and fights are mandatory and slowly that love fades away. On the contrary, if you are just compatible with your partner, love will automatically grow and evolve. Because love is just a feeling and emotion, but it is also taking action- an ever-changing process. Being compatible will help love flourish.

We already have a lot of examples around us where same age couples got divorces quickly after marriage due to non-compatibility or misunderstandings. On the flip side, there are many examples where the age gap is non-acceptable by society, but they are together and leading a happy life.

To name a few, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas are ten years apart, while Dick Van Dyke and his wife Arlene Silver are separated by 46 years. Our very own Archana Puran Sing and Parmeet Sethi have a seven-year age gap. Everyone’s favourite Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan have 10 years age gap and Shahid Kapoor and Meera Rajput have 13 years of the age gap. These are just a few examples

In our real-life too there are many examples where age is no bar for couples who gave priority to love and compatibility rather than age. The fact is relationships can be meaningful without setting age bars.

We are living in the 21st century. It is a lawless era where love is love and almost anything goes. We are seeing large age gaps not just typical old-man-younger-women narrative but its opposite also. For example, a 2003 AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating a younger man. The reason for this may be the rising divorce rate. Mature women can play the role of a wiser spouse and make a balance in the relationship. However, the matters of love, dating and how we connect are totally transformed.

Love is a melting pot. And if age is just a number, how is it appropriate when it comes to finding a partner. In my opinion look for Trust, Commitment and Compatibility and happy life await you. Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.

None of the blogs or opinions expressed within is meant as advice to you or anybody else on any matter, including but not limited to, personal finance, health, or other matters of life. If you need advice, speak to a professional!

Published by Anita Vij

A caring mother of 2. A loving wife. An aspiring individual who wishes to share her life-long learnings with the rest of the world.

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