Mr Blame and Mrs Claim

Whose fault is it anyway?

After a few years of marriage” blame” and “claim” creeps into the relationship of couples. Many years of courtship before marriage gets failed to keep the relationship alive. Sometimes both are not happy in the marriage and start blaming the spouse for everything which goes wrong.

Now it can be a serious matter altogether.

However, in a funny way, husbands and wives put the onus of anything which goes wrong on the other partner. If it’s just for keeping the humour alive in marriage, it’s fine. As we all know husbands are blamed for everything and anything by wives…for the fun of course.😊

But if they seriously start blaming each other then the possibility of divorce increases.

When blame is not harmful and adds happiness to life. A few examples of when wives blame:

  • If you are a wife, You know it very well, that sometimes when you are trying to be mad at him he is a good man in his own weird way and you are a little crazy at times. So when the moment is over, you are again fine with him and happy with your life.
  • When your man tries to help you in cleaning but your idea of clean and his idea of clean are totally different and both of you end up in an argument blaming each other for waste of time. 😊
  • When he makes coffee for you and expects that you will respond lovingly but you respond with “I am doing that for 15 years, what’s the big deal”. Now if it infuriates him whose fault is it. 
  • When he brings you a dress and you respond saying “oh, you know I don’t like that colour at all”. If he reacts it’s not his fault and you know it very well. Am I wrong? 😊

Now if you are a husband when you irritate her despite all her efforts to keep you happy, you also know from the depth of your heart that it’s you who infuriated her.

  • She calls you and tells you that she is making special dinner for you and you reach home late. If she doesn’t talk to you is she at fault? You know the answer is no.
  • It’s her birthday and you just tend to forget the important dates as a careless habit. Is it her mistake to expect a nice gift or birthday wish from you? Not at all and you know that. Right? 😊
  • Maybe it was a bad day for you in the office and you had a fight with your boss. She casually tried to know the reason and you started shouting at her. You know it’s you who has to apologise after the anger surprise.😊

These are a few funny incidents that all of you may have experienced in your married life.

If you focus; with all your might on his positive attributes, you will witness that these small things bring life to your togetherness. After a fight or annoyance period when one of you confesses mistakes …it rekindles the love between you. So in a way, it’s good to have small disagreements sometimes.

But if this blame and claims are made seriously and too often then it can lead to a divorce or separation. 

Last week I met with a couple friends. They were on the verge of a divorce. Anjali and Rajeev sat in front of me. They told me a narrative of their history with each other and as they spoke about the problem, they shared how they felt a number of their problems happened on account of what the other person was doing or more importantly not doing.

Blame gets easily directed at our partner. Most of the times we find it difficult to look within. Introspect and reach an understanding. We think that not just the problem but the solution also lies with the other person. Not realising our own fault we focus on changing our partner and controlling him/her.

This cycle keeps us feeling unhappy, frustrated, helpless and ultimately hopeless.

This makes a difficult cycle to break. Who contributed how much to the problem is not important. Taking ownership of the situation and not repeating it in future must be ensured.

Communication is the key to open the unspoken lock in a relationship. So speak openly with your partner as s(he) may have another perspective. Being patient will go a long way. 

Searching for reasons and causes within your own self allows you to take a problem-solving approach to the situation you face.

Anjali and Rajeev were also facing the same problem in their life. After an open discussion, they realised their faults and were ready to give their marriage a second shot.

Marriage is a sacred union. Nurturing and maintaining this relationship needs maturity and mutual understanding.” Love” is just one part of this puzzle. The other ingredients, you have to earn over a period of time as you spend life with each other.

Steve Marboli said,” Take accountability…Blame is the water in which many dreams and relationships drown”.

However, you keep blaming and claiming each other but remember to do it in a healthy way. Make it enjoyable and laugh together when the moment has passed. Humour lightens any load. Cherish those memories. 😊😊

None of the blogs or opinions expressed within is meant as advice to you or anybody else on any matter, including but not limited to, personal finance, health, or other matters of life. If you need advice, speak to a professional!

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Published by Anita Vij

A caring mother of 2. A loving wife. An aspiring individual who wishes to share her life-long learnings with the rest of the world.

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