Mind Over Matter

Mind Over Matter

If You Don’t Mind It Doesn’t Matter

The age gap between couples- does it really matter

The old rule of determining a socially acceptable age difference in partners goes something like this: half of your age plus seven(40=20+7=27). However if the older partner is 40 years old, the other partner should be at least 27 years. Regardless of gender, this is just a rule. Although the origin of the rule is unclear, it is sometimes considered to have French origin.

But my question is: how legitimate this rule is? Does it match our scientific understanding of age-related preferences for dating or marriage? Should it ever apply?

Let’s check it.

Do people actually follow the rule of seven in their real lives before deciding whom to date or marry?  There are more aspects than age to consider before planning. Our thinking and choice of a partner have evolved with time. In the 1920’s it was believed that a wife’s ideal age should be half the man’s age plus seven. This age gap was important as women mature more quickly than men. In different circumstances, it ensured that the husband was sufficiently authoritative over his wife. Now with changing culture and mindset this rule has already taken a back seat.

More and more women are out working and getting independent, which has changed this perception altogether. Women can be independent and more authoritative than their male counterparts as sometimes they are earning more than their male partners. We all know that money brings authority. Couples are equally responsible for raising kids and facing day-to-day problems. Age is no bar in modern society.

Those rules were made by the societies according to their cultural values for convenience and there are no takers for those rules now. Be it women or men they prefer to choose their partners according to their preferences. Modern women don’t lookout for a partner who can earn for them. Other qualities attract them more:  maturity, openness, honesty, respect, affection, sense of humor, etc, etc.

Moreover, its compatibility which matters the most.

Think if you have a partner who is the same age as yours, but your views are different in every sphere of life. Spending a whole life with someone is not like dating where you are free to break up when you don’t find the other partner getting along with you. Moreover, being from the same generation has its own drawbacks.

I would like to give you some examples: the same age couples can have frequent fights due to ego clashes. Uncertainty with respect to everything right from economy to jobs. Mobile/laptop/internet video addictions. Periodical expression of anger and frustration due to the uniqueness of stress in the same generation. Maturity and wisdom-related problems as both have high egos. Same age stories are tough but can be managed by forgiving all the possible relationship flaws.

In my opinion, it’s important to be like-minded for a couple. Our drive to select like-minded partners could be much stronger than previously thought that opposites attract. Relationship compatibility is of utmost importance. It’s important for couples to have fun together and really enjoy the time they spend together. A relationship thrives when two people share companionship and activities. For example, if you love someone who is just different from you in every aspect of life, arguments and fights are mandatory and slowly that love fades away. On the contrary, if you are just compatible with your partner, love will automatically grow and evolve. Because love is just a feeling and emotion, but it is also taking action- an ever-changing process. Being compatible will help love flourish.

We already have a lot of examples around us where same-age couples got divorced quickly after marriage due to non-compatibility or misunderstandings. On the flip side, there are many examples where the age gap is non-acceptable by society, but they are together and leading a happy life.

To name a few, Priyanka Chopra and Nick Jonas are ten years apart, while Dick Van Dyke and his wife Arlene Silver are separated by 46 years. Our very own Archana Puran Sing and Parmeet Sethi have a seven-year age gap. Everyone’s favorite Kareena Kapoor and Saif Ali Khan have 10 years age gap and Shahid Kapoor and Meera Rajput have 13 years of age gap. These are just a few examples

In our real-life too there are many examples where age is no bar for couples who gave priority to love and compatibility rather than age. The fact is relationships can be meaningful without setting age bars.

We are living in the 21st century. It is a lawless era where love is love and almost anything goes. We are seeing large age gaps not just typical old-man-younger-women narrative but its opposite also. For example, a 2003 AARP study reported that 34% of women over 39 years old were dating a younger man. The reason for this may be the rising divorce rate. Mature women can play the role of a wiser spouse and make a balance in the relationship. However, the matters of love, dating, and how we connect are totally transformed.

Love is a melting pot. And if age is just a number, how is it appropriate when it comes to finding a partner. In my opinion look for Trust, Commitment, and Compatibility and happy life await you. Age is a question of mind over matter, if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter.

None of the blogs or opinions expressed within is meant as advice to you or anybody else on any matter, including but not limited to, personal finance, health, or other matters of life. If you need advice, speak to a professional!

Published by Anita Vij

A caring mother of 2. A loving wife. An aspiring individual who wishes to share her life-long learnings with the rest of the world.

15 thoughts on “Mind Over Matter

  1. As a person who has known many variations of the non traditional relationships, older women, larger age gaps, late relationships. I have always found the expectation of age differences interesting. As you say, there are other issues more important. As a Christian, I have had better friendships with Muslims, Sikhs, Hindus, Jews etc, let alone those who follow none, than sone who call themselves Christians because we get different things from the same book, where the others, we get the same thing from different books.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Srdiane for sharing your views here. As you said it’s interesting to know different people from different age groups…I agree with you . It all comes to the conclusion that what matters in a relationship is just understanding between the two. Cast, creed, or age is secondary
      . When we like or love someone and our bond is strong enough, nothing matters. In today’s society, everything is acceptable which was not the case a few years back. So we can live our lives as we like.😀😊

      Like

  2. Anita Ji
    Thank you so much for bringing an important, rather most important part of human life. To my understanding, age difference does not matter much. What matter is attitude towards bonding between two. The chemistry must be excellent! If the love chemistry is not good, then the problem starts.
    It has been seen and experienced that external influences on either of the couple, or on both makes life miserable.
    Most of the time quarrel between a couple happens, when some other member [ who so ever] pokes nose between two.
    Also, sometime life principles become a wall between two. Therefore, as you said, compatibility is above all. when the compatibility is considered, then all individual principles must be compatible and hence no dispute.
    Finally, TRUST is a big factor in between. Once trust is broken, then everything is broken. TRUST does not depend on age. As you know that there are several cases, where the relationship is broken due to breach of Trust.
    Lots of factors are there to say in this topic.
    You have chosen a very important topic, the main part of life for any marriage to continue without any hitches.
    Best wishes to you Anita Ji.
    Best regards. take care always.😊🙏
    Arun

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks a lot Arun Ji for reading and commenting in detail. I appreciate your views. You are absolutely right that external influences also make the life worst.
      It has been seen that while getting both of them married everyone is fine with age gap whatso ever it is, but after that people try to comment wierdly and it actually disturbs the relationship between the two.
      Trust is a must no matter what the age group is. I know there are so many other things which were not discussed in the post, but as you know everything cannot be covered in one post. This needs a detailed discussion and more over every one has a different mindset and perspective.
      There was a time when mostly women were way too younger than their male partner but now everything has reversed. As mostly women are the ones who are senior. But relationships are doing very well in those couples.
      Thank you once again for discussion. Stay safe.😊😊

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      1. Thank you so much Anita Ji.
        This discussion is a continuous process, because of the topic which is prime to sustain the creation. Each couple are happy mostly, until someone pokes, and disturbs.
        Most of the people can not guide new couple. They rather misguide them.
        Elderly people are responsible for misguiding the new. I have personally experienced that in most of the cases, whenever there was quarrel between us, it was due to wrong interpretation of others which made my wife to think differently.
        Passed this life with lots of ups and downs.
        Finally, Vedanta and other modern science has saved me from all kinds of odds, including big blows like betrayal.
        I have adopted the path of Self realisation. Which will not look back. Not calculate profit or loss. Trust or mistrust, all have become one and same.
        Finally, I am convinced that all sorrows and sufferings, if i feel and become sad, is solely my ignorance.
        Yes, Anita Ji, yes.
        Please keep on writing and bringing posts for us.
        Namaste.
        Best wishes 😊🙏

        Like

      2. Yes, I agree that the discussion is a continuous process but so is our surrounding, full of our relatives, neighbors and so-called friends. Given a chance everyone is ready to jump into personal matters. So, have to be ready for misinterpretation and everything.😀😊
        Ups and downs are our lessons to be learnt in this life means our karma.
        After so many blows in life, anyone can be realistic and then ultimately reach a stage where nothing hurts that much.
        Yes, it’s on us what and how we feel. To find attainment in salvation is the mantra then.
        Thank you so much for everything.
        Nmaste.😀😊🙏

        Like

    1. Haha…yes Dean, even I didn’t know about it till I researched on this topic. But I know one thing that age is just a number and if you don’t mind it doesn’t matter. Compatibility in relationships is the most important thing. 🙂🙂

      Liked by 1 person

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