Are Indian MEN Mama’s Boys?

Posted byAnita VijPosted inRelationships

Are Indian MEN Mama’s boys?

Are Indian men mamma’s boys? I honestly don’t believe this TAG is right for the boys who love and care for their mothers.

Our culture is far different from a western culture where kids just leave their homes as soon as they become adults. I am not saying that their bonding with mothers is in any way different or less. It all depends on your families and how you were brought up in your childhood years. In a country like India where at least three generations live under one roof and are bonded tightly to each other, we can’t blame our boys for being attached to their families or mothers.

Many families are not financially well but still their emotional bonding is very strong because adversity brings them closer. IN a typical Indian family, a father can be abusive, or an uncle can be an alcoholic but when it comes to the mom she is always there for her son and acts as a barrier between her son and anyone who wants to hurt him. She is there to help, be it financially or emotionally.

Now one question which is consistently asked: “Why are Indian mothers so possessive towards their sons”.  I believe there are always some reasons behind anything we do. In most of our households, we have always seen dictating fathers, controlling husbands, etc. Now when a son is born, he is the sole possession of a mother. He is her one and only prized possession. The most precious one.

Since a son is born he needs a mother for all his needs like food, managing clothes, school bag, etc. Slowly as he grows up, all his requirements, be it small or big are taken care of by his mother. Even so many times she fights with his father for him. The bond grows with time and a mother-son relationship gets stronger.

Once they are full-fledged adults and out on their own, the dynamic change, to the point that either parent is seen as an equal. Sons often look for a girlfriend that is a lot like their mother. I don’t think it is a conscious act on their part. It just happens.😊

I agree that we desi moms are very much concerned about little things such as “has he eaten his food yet”, “is he eating properly”? So many times, we are laughed at for this. Like my son told me that when his friend said “I am feeling hungry and have not eaten good food for long”, I told him to go and grab a Punjabi mamma and she will stuff him with food lovingly.” Jokes apart, it’s true for desi moms actually.😀

After so many years of pampering and all the care, when a boy becomes a man it’s a different world for him. If he has not learned to be independent. So this is also a mom’s duty to help her son grow as a man, who can take care of everything independently in his life. Be it cooking a few dishes and taking care of his stuff himself. Learning these small things will immensely help him in managing the next part of his life.

After marriage, men cannot behave with their wives as they did with their mothers. Most of them must be in a loving-shouting relationship with their mom. Am I wrong? You can shout at your mom for small things like where are my socks, mamma… I am not hungry mom why are you insisting on me to eat, and so many other things where you shout at your dear mamma knowing that she is right. And the beauty of this relationship is she still smiles at you and helps you find your socks or small stuff.

But when you come home late after having a couple of drinks with friends and you dare to shout at your wife, be ready for the consequences!! You have to learn to behave like both of you are partners not parent-kid. So grow up man.

However, men who were always being taken care of, now feel that life is different from what it was. As we have heard that there is a small child hidden in every man. This is true to a certain extent. That is the reason most boys want a wife resembling their mom in terms of taking care of them.

So, is it harmful to boys to be close to their mom? Not at all. The man who cares for his mom cares for his wife and daughter as well. Because he knows how emotional a woman can be. He will be equally caring for other female relations also as he has learned to be a soft person, not a MAN who cannot cry.

The truth is for so many years from birth to adulthood a child is in the care and protection of a mother, who is always there for every need. How is it possible not to bond with her? It is the same for daughters as well. They also keep constantly talking to their mothers about small things happening in their lives. In my opinion be it girls or boys both are supposed to bond with their mothers because, since their birth, mom was the selfless protector and provider for them. It’s very much natural for both …boys and girls…to be attached to mothers. Why do we call men mamma’s boy? Girls are also mamma’s girls.

And so back to my point on “not believing this TAG” of Mama’s Boy. There is no such thing as a mama’s boy…because each and every one of us is a mama’s child. 😊😊

None of the blogs or opinions expressed within is meant as advice to you or anybody else on any matter, including but not limited to, personal finance, health, or other matters of life. If you need advice, speak to a professional!

Published by Anita Vij

A caring mother of 2. A loving wife. An aspiring individual who wishes to share her life-long learnings with the rest of the world.

47 thoughts on “Are Indian MEN Mama’s Boys?”

    1. Yes, I agree with you. But nowadays girls are also mamma”s girls. They share the minutest details with their mom and are very close to their moms. I think it’s just mindset now. All kids are close to moms but our boys have to bear the brunt of this Mamma”s boy”s TAG.😇

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    2. I will read.
      But where is my fault if I am born as a son. Being Son I am totally impartial. I am always away from my mom in most of the life time period. Who has brought this Tag? ” mammas boy” Disgusting Tag in a society of human. Not acceptable tag.
      Regards😊🙏🙏

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      1. Yes, you are absolutely right …Where is my fault if I am born as a son? This Tag is discovered by people who don’t know the value of respect to a person(mom) who has spent her life in bringing up a kid be it a boy or girl. If a guy respects his mother he should be considered a gentleman not mama’s boy.😊😊

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    3. Society is US. We are the ones who make this society and its notions. I know the girls who are always on phn with their moms and keep their moms updated on what is going on in their lives. They(moms) are even responsible for ruining the relationship between the couples.
      So my question is if girls or daughters can be close to their moms without facing any prejudice or TAG, why do boys have to face this stigma(if it is). Those who make jokes are themselves close to their families, especially moms.
      What I have found in reality is…when wives find that their husband just respects his mom they are offended, dunno why. It is totally different when it comes to their own moms or family.
      I have already read your blog and maybe I commented on this at that time also. But I will read again and share my views.
      I believe that if a man can respect his mom, he will respect every woman in his life because he understands a woman.😊😊
      On a lighter note…we all have sons and daughters, what if our son doesn’t respect us.

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  5. That’s beautifully expressed. Every aspect of Indian culture is to the point.
    Indian men’s care for their mother as compared to others due to the Etiquette they’ve been taught with. Obeying & showing affection towards your mother doesn’t count in mama’s boy. It’s the least one should perform. I too am very close to my mum. However, often times, we argue about many things. Haha.

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    1. Thank you so much Tanishq for reading and taking the time to express your views here. Yes, it’s Etiquette and our Indian culture too, where we are taught to respect our elders and family members. Mother is always very close to her children. That’s why their wives tend to think that he just obeys his mother and doesn’t listen to the wife. Being close to your mum is obvious. You fight most with the people you are most close to.
      Me and my son use to fight a lot and we have a very strong bond at the same time.😊😊
      He behaves like a teenager when I am around.😊

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  8. Interesting post. I didn’t know it was common that Indian fathers and uncles are abusive. They were also raised by women, so it seems the pattern continues. I had an Indian friend whose two sons were completely pampered by her, her live in Mom and sister, with their beds even made for them as one an older teenager and one a young adult. I always wondered if they would expect such pampering by their wives. Bonding and love connections seem healthy to me but I wonder if somehow the Indian Mom’s somehow contribute to the men becoming abusive Fathers? Great discussion.

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    1. Thanks a lot, Katelon for reading and commenting on this post. I would like to tell you that like everywhere else in the world, all men or women are not the same. So it would be wrong if we say that all the fathers and uncles in India are abusive. It depends from person to person. But yes, most of the families are male-dominated. That may be the reason for kids to get closer to their moms.
      The tradition of living with sons in the golden years here is also the reason to pamper the boys more than girls.😊😊 Even in today’s modern world, this mentality of gender bias is popular here. Even I felt it strongly throughout my life. I have two sons but I tried to make them independent so that they can manage their married life successfully.
      I mentioned in my post that men can’t expect their counterparts to behave and pamper like their mothers. So for practical reasons they should always be self-dependent. Not all moms are the same and in today’s scenario most of the moms like their sons to do their work themselves.😊😊
      It was nice having a discussion on this topic with you. Please keep reading and commenting. I would love your feedback on my posts.

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    1. Thank you so much for your inspirational comments.😊😊 I really like what you said…”Can we be too close/protective of our children.” I agree that we are very possessive of our kids and we love them no matter what. But kids be it girl or boy, they are always close to their parents, may be with their moms. Why only people put a tag of “MAMA’S BOYS” on just boys. Even girls are very close to their moms. There is some gender bias in India but still girls are also close to their moms.😊😊

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  10. And so back to my point on “not believing this TAG” of Mama’s Boy. There is no such thing as a mama’s boy…because each and every one of us is a mama’s child. 😊😊
    I fully agree with you what you have written with elaboration. You have raised all points and you have replied to each of the points.
    I am also a son of my mother. But since my 16 years of age I am away from home. Stayed in hostel for 5 years. Then I got job in all India Transferable job. So I had very little time to be associated with my mother. My mother could not accompany me due to other family obligations. Therefore, I donot understand this Tag ” Mamma’s Boy”
    What all these come in our way of life I do not know. Earlier days , there were no such words. Mamma means mother. Mother is for all. For boys and for girls too. Mother is nature. Mother is in every girl. Let us look it in the light of Divinity. A mother knows how the child is born and grown in womb. That part is the Divinity. Why people use such Tags, I do not understand. A big fault in thinking!!!

    However, I feel happy that you have analyzed.
    Regards😊🙏

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    1. Arun Ji, I appreciate you sharing your own story. May be you were not able to spend much time with your mother but still you surely can feel the warmth and love of her. There must be a soft corner in your heart for your mother. Am I right?😊😊
      Tag is just an outburst of anger or may be jealousy when wives feel that their husband respects and sometimes obeys her.Haha no one always agrees with their mom. I have two grown up sons and we share a very close and healthy bond. At times we fight also.😊 But I don’t understand the actual definition of this TAG.😊😊

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      1. https://arunsingha.in/2021/09/26/wisdom-of-five-fires-panchagni-vidya/
        Anita Ji
        Please see the last graphics. The theme of this creation. Where father, mother, son everything is one system for creation and procreation. Let us not break the system.
        Please forward the post to your friends to realise that it is a single system where everyone has to play, to do duty for sustainability and continuity of the system.
        Thank you so much.
        Namaste 🙏

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  11. Soft corner is obviously there for each and everyone.
    Like mamma’s boy, there maybe paapaa’s girl and so on. Each relationship is unique and there must be an equanimity in everything.
    Without wife, there won’t be a mother.
    Wife becomes mother. First it is daughter. Daughter becomes Wife. Wife becomes mother. Mother brings them out. So why and who is breaking this time cycle?
    I will share one of my post. Just see the graphics please. The essence of the UPANISHAD.
    Regards 🙏

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    1. Arun Ji, I agree that without a wife, there won’t be a mother. But when this mother plays the role of a wife then only she has the problem with mama’s boy. On the contrary, if her own son is a mama’s boy she will the happiest person in the whole world.🙂🙂
      I am reading the fifth chapter of Chandyog Upanishad.

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      1. Exactly 😊💯✅
        E saab chalta rahega!
        Chalne dijiye😀
        Please enjoy your reading and writing and sharing your thoughts.
        Your posts are excellent because it gives the practical side of day to day life.
        Have a blissful time. Namaste 🙏

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      4. Fifth chapter of Chandagyo Upanishad is very important to understand the science behind this life. Philosophical as well as scientific 🔆😊
        Please share your views after you finish the chapter 😌🙏

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  13. Great post Anita. I moved to Italy 40 years ago and let me tell you, I prefer bringing up my children in the old country with strong family bonds than Canada, where I grew up. I have a son and dauhgter and I work in a family run business. My son still comes to me for advise at times. Now that both are married, I must step aside and let their relationship grow. But in time of need for both my daughter and son, I am always there in time of need. That’s what mothers are for- a shoulder to lean on no matter how old they are.

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    1. I totally agree with your views Eleanorannpeterson. The kids who are brought up in the US or other western countries are totally different in their mindset from the kids who are brought up in countries with old culture. I am from India, My boys are grown up now but still, we share a very strong bond. I maintain a balanced relationship with them, not interfering in their lives. But at the same time, they know they can always depend upon me no matter what the need is.
      I really liked what you shared. Thank you so much for your valuable views. Readers can benefit from our discussion.😀😊

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  14. What an interesting article on men and mothers! If the subject interests you more, try to get hold of the book by Robert Bly called “Iron John” where, amongst other things, he deals with the boy’s relation to his mother. For me it was life-changing. And thank you for the support on my post. – all strength to you, will

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    1. Thank you so much Will for liking and commenting on this post. This topic attracts everyone as most of the men go through this situation when they are called mama’s boy without any particular reason and tagged. I will definitely read this book which you suggested. 😊😊

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